pastiches | ➷ m e s s a g e s.

Doctors save lives. Find your dinner partner at a hospital.

SH

Edited (wow how do you html) 2013-05-22 02:36 (UTC)

I never liked hospitals. Too clean.

Let's have dinner. Don't make me call your boyfriend and sic him on you.

Not my area. John is hardly a threat.
He can barely manage with a chip and pin machine, what makes you
think he can coerce me into having dinner with you?

SH

It would take an act of coercion to make you have dinner with me?
Why, Sherlock, you know all the right things to say to get me excited.
Unfortunately, there isn't any need for it to come to all that.

I don't know how you live here, really, you two never have any food about.

[ Checked your kitchen lately? ]

I could alert Lestrade that you're breaking and entering.
Stop it. It's annoying.

(Food is unnecessary.)

SH

You could. And I'd disappear into one of Mycroft's boring cells forever.

I brought cake. Chocolate cake. With raspberry filling.
Don't make me come to you, Sherlock, or I'll make you lick it off me.

Edited 2013-05-22 03:03 (UTC)

I'm sure you'd look dashing in orange.

Yes, the easiest methods to a heart disease. You do know how to impress, Ms. Adler.

SH

Edited 2013-05-24 14:15 (UTC)

Oh, of course.

You know what they say, Mr. Holmes. The easiest way to a man's heart.. However, I am getting dreadfully impatient and I dislike being kept waiting. We're two rooms away from each other, do stop acting like a child.

You realise that in this allusion, Ms. Adler - you're
sentencing me to death.

Yet, you're the one texting a man two rooms away from him.

SH

[ he texts people while being in the same room. gosh. ]

I do. Though if it makes you feel better, darling,
that's hardly what I want.

You're texting back. Mr. Holmes, don't be odious.

[ it's a battle of the wills. SHE WILL SMEAR THIS CAKE ALL OVER HER NAKED BODY DON'T MAKE HER DO IT. ]

I hardly need your mercies.

I can have a police car sent in, mind you.
Breaking and entering is a crime.

SH

A crime you indulge in often.

I didn't wish to be this petty, but perhaps I'll go elsewhere.
Jim Moriarty tends to be more obliging about this sort of thing.
I'm sure he'd be curious to know what it is you've been
experimenting on in your kitchen.

[ so sherlock steps out of his bedroom. in nothing but a sheet, because you've caught him unprepared, ms. adler. he figured if he was loud enough about his threats, eventually you'd go away. he's proven wrong it seems. persistence has always been a strong after all. ]

Do you have any intention of leaving?

[ oh, this is delicious. and she's not talking about the cake.

she's not even bothering to hide her open interest, eyes raking up and down his body as though she were surveying a particularly interesting shop window. he might be interested to know, however, she hadn't been kidding about bringing cake. it's right there, on the table, which she's neatly set up with two places in your living room, and a candle. a candle, Sherlock. ]

Did I touch a nerve, darling? [ her smile widened slightly. just because he's asked a question, doesn't mean she has to answer. it's rhetorical anyway; no, of course she's not leaving. ]

[ she's coaxed, no - incorrect terminology. forced him to have dinner with her. yet somehow, he's still here. playing into her narcissism like a fiddle. the same way she had done when the situations were reversed, when she was the naked person in the room. she's the domintarix, and she's pushed the right buttons and sherlock has become complacent. has agreed.

moriarty is his breaking point and any idea of an upper hand is enough to make him antsy. ]

I see you've taken the liberties of redecorating my flat with fire hazards.

[ he says tartly. determined only to express annoyance. ]

[ he may be annoyed, but all it does is make her laugh as she saunters to the couch, settling herself on it and curling her legs up underneath her. she looks perfectly at home, as though she hadn't broken in, hadn't manipulated him into dinner. propping her cheek on her hand, she allows herself a second sweep of the view before her, before gesturing at the seat next to her. ]

Yes, well, I thought the place needed a woman's touch for a change. I can't imagine you have company often; this place screams it.

[ there are two very ordinary pieces of cake sitting on plates. chocolate. raspberry filling. she wasn't lying. ]

It won't hurt you to sit and eat with me, Mr. Holmes.

[ if sherlock was an outsider stepping into this room for the first time, he would have mistaken this set up as somewhat romantic. candles, food - all factors of a date. however, calling it a date isn't the proper terminology. calling it a date makes it less palatable.

( if sherlock was less of liar, he would admit that this fell under perhaps a similar category. )

this is chess, and the rook takes it place next to the queen. sitting in the space next to her on the opposite end of the couch. ]

Is that an observation or an educated guess?

[ there's an eye roll at that statement. a fondness in his voice that is lost through text messages. ]

It won't hurt me? -- odd, as I recall - isn't it one of the domintarix's jobs to make even the most menial tasks painful.

[ oh, good, he's sitting. he's sitting and she's scheming (idly) about how to get that sheet off him. she's got more than a few ideas, some of them are actual executable .. but it's his home she's sitting in, so she'll play nice for now. while she doesn't bother feigning away her interest in his clothing (or lack there of), she will lean in and snag a plate and a fork for him.

and for her. sharing is caring, sherlock holmes, and she doesn't intend on making this any easier on you. you get to enjoy exactly what you're missing. ]

You know I don't have to guess, darling. Though I suppose that boyfriend of yours.. what was his name? [ waldorf? wesley? something like that. ] He must date and bring women around every now and then. Though upon meeting you, I'm sure they don't come back.

[ god, she had to do this more often. it was too much fun to play with him. deftly, she picked up a bite size piece of cake with the fork and offered it to him, though if he tried to take the utensil away from him, she'd smack him with the end (careful not to drop the cake). ]

I'm not working. This is purely for personal pleasure.

[ ah yes. of course, she brings up a subject he isn't too keen on discussing. relationships are a grey area for sherlock, they have and always have been. give him puzzles. give him work. the human mind is meant to be studied and not a distraction.

( somehow in the span of things ms. adler falls in between, in between work and play and god what that does to him. )

the cake is mostly stared at. he needs to focus when he's around irene and there's some part of him that's certain it's filled with some kind of poison.

( in another life, she'd asked him: are you always so suspicious? )

he quirks a brow at that presumption. ]

Not my area. [ he says smoothly. ]

Good, a personal visitation.

[ perhaps that was why she'd brought john up. watch sherlock squirm. she already had him naked, in a sheet, in his living room. with cake. and candles. things could really only get worse for him (read: better for irene).

but, suit yourself. she'll eat this piece of cake all by herself, making it into an event with an ungodly amount of noises being made, all of them sinful. it's the best damn cake she ever had, judging by her reaction. which means you should want it, sherlock. ]

As you wish. I'm here to see you, personally.

[ another piece of cake makes the journey up towards him. eat it, dammit, she'd gotten it just for you. ]

Or would you rather I take the rest of this over to Jim Moriarty's?

[ it doesn't hurt to poke a sore spot when you know you've found one. ]

[ john and jim. she knows where to press, and sherlock would say that witticism outloud if he was someone who was less weary about her commentary. he knows the implications of having emotions and he loathes it. he wants to wash away all his contempt for the spider with insecticide and he will never admit to her the quiet desperation he harbors when it comes to john's friendship.

he stares at her, and her cake and decides that no. he'd rather skip out on the foodie orgasm, thank you. ]

I'm flattered by your interest.

[ he answers dryly. ]

And tell him what exactly?

[ irene sighs, as if she'd been trying to feed him life-giving sustenance rather than a piece of cake, settling the plate and the fork carefully on the table, before leaning her head on her hand, moving a bit closer towards him. very well, mr. holmes, have no cake. all the better for her, she could observe him better this way.

still, her ever-present smile only widens at his question. ]

Oh, darling. Ever the innocent.

[ her tongue flicks out to catch a stray of imaginary chocolate at the corner of her lips, purposeful. ]

You don't honestly believe that we talk, do you? There are many other things a man and a woman can get up to that are infinitely more .. exciting. The talking comes after.

➷ m e s s a g e s.

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ACTION

ACTION

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I AM SPAMMING U WITH TAGS. DWI.

MY TURN MY TURN MY TURN

CHEWS ON YOU FOREVERRRR.

NO CHEW ON THE CAKE SHERLOCK. THE CAKE.

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